Jane Tardo is an inventor, sculptor, and designer. She was born and is currently based in New Orleans. Jane will earn her Master of Fine Art in Sculpture from the University of New Orleans in May 2020. She is a grant recipient of Colloqate Design and has exhibited work in Baton Rouge Gallery, Good Children Gallery, and Barrister’s Gallery. www.janetardo.com IG: @stringspring

︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿︽︿

It’s been two weeks since Snake Tube Adventure Racing was set to have its Grand Opening reception. I saw this night so clearly. I had planned so dearly for it. The prospect of having years of my life (1,500+ man hours on STAR alone) vanished was and remains crushing. I’m still recovering from raw fingertips after 3 days of hand sewing the panels together in situ.

At first, the cancellation wasn’t mandated, it was deemed “low risk” by my university due to the type of event- ie guests weren’t being brought in and it wasn’t a major concert nor sporting event. I was advised to get gloves, wipes, better soap and to have someone at the door to make sure that there would only be 50 people gathered at a time. I made preparations and I thought it would be safe to open.

But ultimately, I decided to waiver my right to make the final decision. I was too emotionally invested to accurately assess the situation. I didn’t understand much about the virus’s spread at this point because I had been spending around 12-14 hours a day preparing the gallery and finishing up my title project: Snake Tube Adventure Racing. But given the hands on, interactive, crowd attracting nature of my work… I’m glad that it was canceled, I’m glad someone made that call for me. I would be feeling like a huge asshole right now if I had opened. It’s amazing how much emotions can affect your better judgement under times of stress.

I’ve been hesitant to really communicate how I’ve been feeling to anyone other than my partner and my closest friends… it’s easy to feel selfish and irrelevant in comparison to the amount of fear, suffering, and uncertainty going on. I’m from New Orleans, so it really hits how devastating this is going to be in all manner of ways. In just 2 weeks, New Orleans and Mardi Gras have made national news about our hedonistic spread of the virus. Almost everyone here knows someone who has the virus or has died from it, and you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t have “allergies.” The effects of covid-19 will last years. It’s a scary time, especially with the looming hurricane season.

But when I allow myself to have and process my own feelings… it’s crushing. I feel like I’m mourning. The weight of lost opportunities is very heavy and varied emotions come in waves. I imagine so many emerging student artists, musicians, film/theatre, etc. are feeling a lot of this too. It’s not only a relief to finish a 3-year MFA program and to show off your work, but it’s also your moment to feel proud and to be celebrated for your accomplishments. I don't think I'll get to have that experience, and that's a bummer.

I haven’t sewn in 11 days- or ever since the hasty midnight-hour email advising us to ASAP evacuate our studios and classroom spaces. As a heavily studio-based artist… well I had a lot of shit to move! Most things went into my new storage unit. I left a lot of my serious sculpting gear behind in the studio, ie my wires, raw materials, motors, clays, and chemicals- hopefully I’ll be able to retrieve them at some point. The necessities (sewing machine, notions, interfacings, stabilizers, threads, a curated selection of fabrics) are on top of my costume-chest in the kitchen. I stare at it daily but have yet to do anything other than reorganize it obsessively. I can see the work I want to make and should be making in my head, yet am demotivated by my loss of space and organization... I’m missing my studio dearly. I basically live in the kitchen now. This is so far from my usual routine- I usually spend 7 days a week on activities such as building theatre, teaching, sewing, partner dancing, creative work, misc projects and generally I was only home for showers, meals, and sleep.

Instead of making work, I have been doing the thing I hate most… the computer screen. I’m nearly done with my thesis and defending it next week (woo!). I’ve also been learning how to draw- something I actually don’t know how to do at all! I’ve been watching youtube tutorials and taking Udemy courses for drawing and Clip Studio, two things I’ve been meaning to learn for a long time so at least there’s some silver lining! I’ve also been trying to figure out more social media and website creation stuff, so I can continue to work on my portfolio and so-called “Brand-” also two things that I have been avoiding doing until now. I feel in a good workflow professionally, but really missing the actual creative side of my work. However, I’m so thankful, lucky, and privileged to be able to use these unusual circumstances to my advantage- even if it’s not exactly what I’d like to be doing.

I’m trying to remain hopeful, even though the future seems shifty and unclear. My plan was to work in Canada this summer doing design production for a circus. A week before Covid-19, I bought a '91 Toyota Lite Ace Camper to renovate and then live in, work out of, and drive away into the sunset with my partner. I'm not sure what the realistic plan is anymore. I have a lot of hope in everyone staying home as much as possible and the increased engagement in mutual aid to take care of communities. I hope more humans are beginning to see through the lies of scarcity and that the possibilities for a better world become more viable during this bizarre historic event.